Considering his lover, the author of the ancient love story recorded in the Song of Songs penned these words, “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!…You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes.”

As I understand it, the first glance for these two occurred in the seventh grade, as David was one of Jessica’s first boyfriends. Sadly, yet in true middle school fashion, they broke up that same year. But only to reunite their senior year of high school, thanks in part to a scheduling coincidence where they found themselves solving for derivatives together in Pre-Cal. And thanks also in part to the senior Prom, which they attended together.

Senior year of high school. Over five years ago.

Five years is enough time for love to be tested, refined to a certain extent, not complete, but cultivated with effort, experience, and counsel. For many, the choice of a marriage partner is one of the very freest choices we make as human beings. And if anything has been made clear to me from our conversations and from the words of your friends and family…it is that you, David, have chosen Jessica…and you, Jessica, have chosen David.Your choice consists not of a singular judgment but rather a series of decisions. And while most in attendance know how you have planned and thought and worked and waited throughout these years…we probably have no idea how you have anticipated this event.

Well it’s here.

…and it’s good.

And now is when I say, “Dearly beloved…”

photos: Callie Murray

In The Four Loves, the author CS Lewis recalls the days when he and his friends met regularly, pulling up chairs around a small table in an Oxford pub. He describes how one person at that table has the ability, just by being around, to bring something unique and different out of each of the others. For Lewis, when any one person at the table is surrounded by close friends, and when those close friends are all drawing out of the one something distinctive and something exceptional, then and only then is that person most wholly himself or herself. He writes, “In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.”

This evening Ryan and Ashley want to take a moment of their wedding ceremony, the beginning in fact, to honor one of those friends, one who sits at their table, who is not able to be here today.

For the next eleven months, Josh Hemmings is on active duty in the Republic of Iraq. In your programs you will notice that he is named honorary groomsman because in Ashley’s words “he certainly would have been in the wedding party had he been in town.” Ryan and Ashley want to communicate their excitement that Josh’s family is in attendance in his place this evening. And as the harpist performs a rendition of “America the Beautiful,” I would like to invite us all to acknowledge the service and the friendship of Corporal Joshua Chandler Hemmings of the United States Marines.

Many waters cannot quench love,

nor can the floods drown it.

- – -

In many other, if not most, countries, the choice of a marriage partner is influenced by money, by politics, by work, by trusted friends, and more often than perhaps we realize, by the will of parents.

In our culture, however, many suggest that the choice of a marriage partner is one of the very freest choices we make as human beings.

To what extent, really, is family meant to be involved in matchmaking? And if they are involved, to what degree does their involvement benefit or detriment this, one of our “freest choices”?

Zack and Audrey, it strikes me that during your courtship you had at least two tremendous decisions before you. The first was whether or not to move ahead in your relationship without the blessing of parents. And I know that the admonition to wait came initially as a surprise. The second decision, and one that followed logically, was whether or not Zack was worth the wait, and whether Audrey was worth the wait. For having made the decision to get married long ago, it was as if you needed to make this decision once again, yet this time in different circumstances and on different terms.

Well, now…today…your choices are clear.

Having chosen one another yet again, having waited patiently, and having received with joy the full blessing of your parents, it seems to me that the involvement of your parents did not infringe, but rather enriched your relationship. For yours is a tested, a refined, not a complete, but a love cultivated with time and effort, and through guidance and counsel.

Simply put, floods came. …And they could not drown your love.

Congrats guys!

photo: Callie Murray

How can anyone bring themselves to affirm that they will care for another person twenty years from now?  It is one thing to promise your girlfriend that you will pick her up at eight o’clock; it is quite another to give her your pledge that you will love her for the rest of your life.  The marriage vows are simple ones, but remarkable both for the extremity of their selflessness, and also for the fact that in most cases they turn out to be the only true vows either partner will ever make, let alone hold to, in their entire lives.

On behalf of the couple…and on behalf of all those who have thought and planned and worked to make this fantastic event possible, it is my pleasure to welcome you this Sunday afternoon to the NOT wedding.

Let’s make no mistake about it: this is a party, a celebration. And today we celebrate not just all that which goes into making the wedding occasion unique among all others, but also marriage itself. For the NOT wedding celebrates both essence and experience…beauty and virtue.

We celebrate flowers and music and apparel and décor and dance and fine food. And we honor the pledge that couples make as they throw all natural caution and defensiveness to the winds and put themselves entirely in the hands of love by an act of the will. The NOT wedding celebrates falling in love…as well as marching into it boldly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that I now present to you for the first time…

MR. AND MRS. NOT COUPLE!

photo: Callie Murray